27th June 2014 9:00
By Blue Tutors
As private tutors we are privy to our students’ home lives, and as such are often afforded far more insight into the factors which influence their academic progress than school teachers. Their relationships with their parents are often particularly telling, as is their parents’ attitudes towards their education. This is often something which tutors have first-hand knowledge of, as parents often share their concerns and hopes with their children’s tutors. Situations in which parents make little or no enquiry. as to their children’s progress are equally telling. But the problem that we as tutors often face, is how much to share our thoughts and advice with parents.
It’s one thing to advise parents to ensure their child’s homework is done, or to give them tips for helping their children revise. Yet many of the things we need to say to parents often go unsaid, because we do not feel secure enough in our position to take the risk of offending them. Indeed, some tutors who work with children of parents who have very high expectations dread having to tell parents that their children are not performing so well, or are not completing the work, something which a tutor really should communicate to parents in such cases. It is even more difficult to address parenting issues which indirectly affect their child’s education. When a student is exhausted in the lesson and we find out that they stayed up half the night watching TV, is it ok to suggest to parents that they should be more firm about bedtimes?
And what about when they haven’t done the work because they were out with their boyfriend or girlfriend, or (as I once encountered) the work had actually been done by their partner? Is it ok to comment on parent’s decisions regarding their children’s friends and relationships if it is affecting their work? What about when parents think you aren’t pushing their children hard enough, and while you think the child is about to have a nervous breakdown? It can be very difficult to talk to parents about their children, and tutors have to tread carefully. That said, our job is to do the best we can for our students in every respect, which sometimes means having to stand up to parents.